Tuesday, October 19, 2010

A little progress, a lot of hope...

For the first time in a year, I almost feel like my head is clear. It doesn't last all day, and it does come and go. Yet, I can think! My brain is working for me again and I love it!!!! There have been so many days - weeks really - in the last calendar year that were lost to exhaustion, depression, and mostly a feeling like I was swimming through pudding all the time. I forgot the words for simple items and found my speech slurring inexplicably. It was scary and frustrating, and more than anything, it simply wasn't me. After almost 35 years in this body, I know the difference between ME and NOT ME and let me tell you, I really wasn't myself.

It has been almost four months now that I have been actively treating the mycoplasma pneumoniae infection I was diagnosed with in July, and three months since I went gluten free again. Thanks to the wonders of Moducare 6x a day plus other supplements, good nutrition, better sleep, less stress and now a whole plethora of antimicrobials and anti-parasitic herbs, I am slowly getting my groove back. Better yet, I feel the fear receding. I now understand what I am challenged with, and I am up to the challenge. Just knowing what is happening has been a huge part of the battle for me.

Yesterday I got back more bloodwork results and - unsurprisingly to either of my LLMDs - I am positive for babesia microti. This is in addition to the positive Western Blot test for borrelia burgdorferi and the positive mycoplasma. My bugs and protozoa have names! Perhaps better still, we now know definitively that they exist in me and that they are at the root of much of the havoc that has taken place for me medically in the last year.

How can I explain to anyone who doesn't suffer from a health challenge, just how wonderful it is to actually know why these mysterious "autoimmune" things keep happening in my body! The explanation alone is so empowering, and better yet I know I am actively fighting this stuff. So I feel proactive and excited to see just how much I can heal in the next few years.

This is the list of miracles I would love to see happen:

  • Hashimoto's thyroiditis - gone

  • Adrenals healthy again

  • Interstitial cystitis - gone

  • Raynaud's phenomenon - gone

  • Esophageal motility back to normal or improved

  • Vulvadynia - gone

  • All yeast and fungal infections - gone

  • Continued heart, lung, kidney health!

  • Direct bilirubin - normal

  • Brain fog and anxiety - gone

  • Able to remember things with sharp clarity again

  • Parasthesias, electric charges, twitching - all gone

  • ANA negative with no pattern... that would be AWESOME!

This is what I am praying for every day, and yet what really keeps me motivated is the simple goal that I will be here to spend time with my children, help guide them, watch them grow up and maybe even see my own grandchildren. I want to watch them go through all of the seminal life events - graduations, weddings, holidays, births - and to give them love every step of the way.

For the first time in a full year, I really believe this is going to happen. I have assembled such a crackerjack team of professionals to help me - great lyme doc, great naturopath, great rheumatologist, great support network... I feel on fire with love for the world and confidence that I DO have a permanent place here, at least for two more generations :-)

It is good to feel optimistic again. That is probably the best gift of all.

If you are reading this and dealing with an autoimmune problem, lyme disease, babesia or just a group of mysterious symptoms that no-one seems to be able to pin down, I hope that this post will give you the hope to persevere until you can actually find a diagnosis and begin healing.

Much love.

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