Falling down the staircase...

A few days ago I was cleaning my house with my young daughter when I realized that my feet were cold so I went upstairs, pulled on a pair of fuzzy synthetic "fun" socks and began to run back down. Out of nowhere, and for the first time in my 34 years, I lost my footing and began to fall down the staircase. Time seemed to go in slow motion as I felt myself flying, trying to find my footing, slipping anew, and finally coming down hard on my extended right arm... whereupon I heard a large crack and felt a stabbing/aching pain all throughout my shoulder.

In all, I managed to tumble down six stairs - an entire flight.

I spent the morning at Urgent Care where they took 5 xrays and determined that I had not broken any bones. The doctor told me that until the inflammation went down they would not be able to determine if I had herniated any discs - and so for now, I've been icing and waiting to see a chiropractor on Monday.

As much pain as I am in, I know I was really lucky not to have broken a vertebrae or cracked my head on anything. I am grateful for that.

It made me think about how quickly something can happen that can change your life irrevocably. In a single instant, everything can shift.

My autoimmune journey really kicked off about one year ago (despite having had the Hashimoto's for a few years prior) and since that time, I have often felt like I was free falling down Alice's rabbit hole, unsure of my footing or where I would land. It has been an exhausting, frightening, anxious time.

Yet nearly four months since I learned that I might have a devastating collagen vascular disease, I am hopeful that I did hit bottom this Summer... that my diagnosis with lyme and babesia were just the beginning of my journey back to vibrant health.

So far, I have not noticed a lot of difference from the herbs I am taking - other than the diuretic effect of the Smilax. I am slowly trying to build up my tolerance to them, adding more drops every seven days.

Wonderfully, the treatment for my low progesterone seems to be extremely helpful and I have seen definite measurable improvements in some of my most frustrating symptoms since beginning to use progesterone cream. Before taking it, my progesterone levels were menopausal... now I am beginning to feel like a woman again.

I still have dark days, moments when I wonder what is yet to come and how I will get through all of this. I pray to find peace with each step of my path, even the difficult ones. I worry about the fact that there is no cure for Lyme and that I don't know what it will take for me to go into remission and stay well, with no advent of wretched autoimmune problems or other disease.

Yet, there are also spots of great illumination that keep me going... stories of remission from the Road Back Foundation bulletin board... new research breakthroughs... and even a story I read last night in the New York Times about a woman who was dying of incurable Clostridium difficile who received a transplant from her husband's healthy fecal matter and was cured within one day... thanks to his healthy bacteria completely wiping out the C.Diff.

Miracles do happen every single day in this world, in this country, in this city. For all I know, I am one of those miracles ~ currently in process.

May this post find you well and bring you even more health.

Band of Angels

My faith has grown throughout the past few years, especially since having children. Never before though have I felt that I was consistently witness to miracles happening all around me every day.

In less than two weeks, I have met a score of women from around the country and the world who have taken me from a place of desolation and despair to confidence, hope and even joy. These women that I have met through the Road Back Foundation are either patients, mothers, or spouses of people who suffer from scleroderma and rheumatoid arthritis. They have each found their way to the Road Back Foundation and many of them (or their loved ones) have achieved partial or complete remission from their illness.

The main thing about getting your body back into a steady state from rheumatic disease is that it is not a quick fix. It is a slow burning, life long process of approaching and hopefully achieving remission that must be maintained forever.

Perhaps due to the lengthy and unpredictable nature of the process, these amazing people are fully invested - not only in their own situations but also in being there as a true emotional support for each other. Never have I seen such selfless kindness shown by so many in such a short time. I have never had such a powerful and immediate response of love from total strangers who are moved to act on my behalf. I am overwhelmed.

I received a letter late last night from a woman who recovered from scleroderma over the course of five long, difficult, committed years. She had been given only months to live when she found the AP, and was deep into the process of an excruciating death from multiple organ involvement. Through the AP she found a path to healing and she bravely took it. Her patience and commitment to the process, despite setbacks along the way, is awe inspiring.

Even more amazing, she offered to be there for me throughout anything I may face in my own journey in the coming weeks and months, with the understanding that I will pay it forward.

I read her message with tears in my eyes and felt as though I have been placed directly into the core of a comet or a lightening bolt. I have suddenly become part of something vital, life-changing, life-saving. I can't wait to begin to heal so that I too can give this kind of unconditional support and caring to another person just like me, someone scared and overwhelmed that needs a little gentle guidance toward achieving health and remission. I can't wait to pay this forward.

I believe that sometimes we are placed in situations that are difficult to understand (at least at the time) to help us grow in ways we could not possibly have imagined. Two weeks ago I would never have imagined that I might have a serious rheumatic disease, and I certainly would not have fathomed that close at hand were a band of angels waiting to watch over and guide me through the process of finding all that I will need to heal.

My biggest wish right now, other than the yearning that underpins everything (please let me stay alive to nurture and guide my children into adulthood) is that I will be a (living) angel for others too... that I will be able to powerfully give to others this same gift of hope and help. Where there is hope, there is everything.

May this blog bring hope to you. Much love.